Life

I was always thinking what life really is, or how should life really be, it is really subjective when you try to figure it out, it is different for everyone. It can be simple to make some people happy, it could be complicated as well for some people. People look at the same matter with different ways, I do feel like stepping away from it, but sometimes the flow just drag you in against your will.

Life is full of changes, isn't it? Things you thought you would never ever do, now you did it. Things you thought you would never ever fell into, now you're soooo deep into.

Life is always about give and take. As I grow up, I see the reality. Not only among friends, schoolmates, acquaintances, but also among relatives as well. Never ask for more than I deserve, and nor giving less than I should, and the one who should decide how much you deserve, is the only one God, the more you deserve, the more blessings you will have. It could stir up some questions if I posted this as my status in FB now, as I just came back from BTN, so-called brainwashing camp, but it's more liberal now, from what I've experienced, it's not that bad, I had fun, it's up to you about how you take and analyses the facts and theories they told you in there, no harm in knowing more, right?

It's important that I know how strong should I hold on my faith and the things that I think is right. A great experience I had in the camp was the debate during group activities. There was a topic which asked me to prioritise an aspect among politics, education, economy and social. Surprisingly, I was the only who chose social. I had to defend my stand, and it wasn't like anything I've ever experienced. Well, I used to be someone who was quite following the flow. I would felt lonely when there isn't anyone with me. But I realise sometimes I should just buck up with what I think it is right, I guess the moment I did it is just for my pride, HAHA! When I recalled back the experience, I think it was quite similar with what we could experience in life choices. When I decided firm that I'm going to stay with my choice,  I never felt ever so peaceful, And I spoke like I never did, I'm never good in talking in front.

My inner is stirred and disrupted,

when I cant make my mind firm.

But once I've decided, 

peace will just come upon,

and all I will do,

is just do what I could. 

中秋节

嘿嘿！

中秋节快乐！

月圆圆，人团圆！

^.^

梦成真？

一月将和其他同学一同飞往德国

追求我们各自的梦想

可伴随着对美好未来的憧憬而来的

却是落榜的同学们的悲伤

我们一起走过了两年

透过当中所付出的努力

我们看见了彼此

透过两年的时间

我们认识了彼此

想说

我们是不是彼此生命中的过客

不是天决定的

我真的希望友谊能持续

能够顺利通过所有考试

当然不是我自己所能做到的

要不是有上帝赐予的镇静和智慧

这会很难

因为被灌予的压力真的很大

反正就是顺利通过了

期待探索欧洲

♥♥♥

无字天书

选这标题的原因

是我想不到题目了

大家一个个地飞了

回来度假的也该回去上课了

该前往下个目的地继续打拼的也各自分飞了

接下来回来度假的就是我们的同系学长们

而我们呢

就在这里继续在语文科中打滚

乞求平安度过这最后也是最难过的一关

毕竟这水准就和一个老外来考统考的中文科般

呃....实际水准应该低一些

毕竟统考的中文科似乎不是人考的

*狂笑*

最近教会有意往欧洲扩展

选择有伦敦与德国

多么希望德国的计划会成真

可这还得看神的旨意不是吗？

祂知道哪个是最好的

还有想对一个人说

你的付出我看得到

只是我不说

我所说的话，你都会摆在心上吧

*珍惜*

会持续为你祷告

Kuching

Stepped twice on its ground

1st time was 2011

2nd time was 2012

different experience with different group of ppl

never thought of having these people in my life

at least not, before 2010

and never thought of them being so important in my life

sometimes it's the people who make a place awesome

really thanks God for these people

they are truly blessings for me

friendships are to be appreciated

no matter how long is the friendship

I think i just left part of my heart in Kuching. 

♥

最幸福的事

对我而言，最幸福的事

莫过于有个人愿意把我的一生揽在他肩上

愿意让我成为他的负担一辈子

还有对我霸道

霸道之余还有纵容与信任

让我的撒娇与任性可以尽情在他面前挥洒得淋漓尽致

那是种令人甜蜜的霸道

我真是疯了

疯了疯了

爱

爱上祂

是个不后悔的抉择

阿门。

无言

千言万语

不知从何说起

不如不说

天使

有人说

孩子是上帝赐给父母的天使

很可爱吼？

超爱。

给天下所有父亲

父亲节快乐

 ♥

高速公路

总觉得我的心就像一条在深山区里的高速公路

我没办法阻止车子闯入
也没办法阻止车子离开
一些在途中发生了意外
在这公路上留下了创伤再离开
留待伤痕累积至无法再被漠视
开始对公路使用者造成威胁
高速公路负责人才来修缮
大部分行驶着来匆匆去也匆匆
忘了即使是深山也会有漂亮风景
只有寥寥几个，甚至只有一个
才会懂得住下脚步
欣赏深山风景

无字

有时候，学会把失望当做一种收获，因为有期望，才会有失望。
---张爱玲

人生根本不能避免失望
总在扑朔迷离的情况下
抱有不切实际的希望
所以失望了
失望后，以为自己能学会坚强些
不被失望打败

女人在得到了某样东西之后就会更贪婪地想要更多
同时却又很悲哀地清楚知道
有些人有些东西不是你的就不是你的
人要知足
若不想心里的空洞扩展
就别希冀太多
没结果的

某位朋友说过
人潜意识里是喜欢emo的东西的
或许是吧
我的人生很美满
不愁衣食住行
时时刻刻也还有主的庇佑与陪伴
身边也有很多朋友的鼓励陪伴
却还是难免会emo一下下

罢了罢了

蒲公英

蒲公英占了我生活很大的一部分

在认识主之前

累的时候

支撑我走下去的

就是蒲公英给我带来的美好回忆

15岁初接触

那震撼与感动，实在让人难忘

第一届全国中学华文学会领袖研讨营

到第三届研讨营正式当上工委

一直到今天

五届，六年

这样一数

自己好像也老了

在这团队里
我从被领导
到开始学习如何领导人
我不断地在错误中学习、成长
很感谢每位的包容
有时候我是钝了点
（读书成绩和现实能力是不成比例的！XD）

也很感谢被我带领过的营员还记得我今年！
国年，已经到了可以当工委的年龄，也被录取为工委，无奈国民服务让你无缘今届
仲豪和馨雅，认识你们是在第三届研讨营，看见你们回来这个大家庭真的很感恩，可是不晓得你们还记不记得我这个督导，还有当年还是你们组员的国年，哈哈！
彦廷，很抱歉，没有第一时间想起你的名字，可是你们全部的脸孔我大致上都还是记得的！
妍怡，很开心看见你回来！真的！还带着那么灿烂的笑容，记得要每年都回家哦！:)
紫婷，谢谢你的whatsapp信息！很惊讶你还收着我的电话号码，PMR要加油哦！
凯旋，你在厕所外和我打招呼时，我是真的有点晕头转向，不够睡啊~哈哈！以后的每届都要再见哦！

还有秘书处的淑莹、慧诗、文奕、佩佩、颖君
哎呀~真的太感恩了
谢谢你们的包容和帮助
在你们身上我学到了很多
特别感恩佩佩
文娱组虽然是last minute才委任你当组长
临时要你catch up那么多东西
却还是那么任劳任怨的
谢谢你！
还有很多其他工委
若真要一个个去谢，真的不知道要谢到什么时候
不喜欢自己那么啰嗦
哈哈

我无法想象
要是没了蒲公英
我现在的生活会是怎样

生活在蒲公英营结束后又再继续忙碌

有时候感情晾在一旁

我们会忘了还有感动

无论营里营外
有时候累了

我们偶尔会忘了当初那颗热忱的心

今天在等人的时候

把吴若权的《莫忘爱的初衷》

对蒲公英的感情就好像谈恋爱般

会有热恋期

也会有厌倦期

但只要回想起爱的初衷

心中那团火又会被点燃

只想告诉蒲公英的所有家人们，无论是营员还是工委，

我爱你们

虽然我不常说出口

但真的

能认识你们，是我的荣幸

能在生命里拥有你们的关心与支持，真好！

忘恩负义

做人不可忘恩

在你指摘一个人之前

可曾想过他/她对你的帮助？

一个人选择沉默

有时不是怕事、不是默认、也不是无奈

而是选择不跟你一般见识

可惜我没那么宽广的心胸

去容忍你

Tithe and Mother's Day

I am excited to start this post right now. So, it was about today during the Sunday service. Yesterday noon before meeting’s lunch break, I looked at my calendar, I suddenly realised that I haven’t gave my pledge to our church this month, as I was out of town last weekend. Then I checked my purse, I was thinking: “Hmm... okay, still enough for another week after giving pledge…”

The calendar in this book... teehee!

Then during lunch break, one of my friends handed over a RM50 note to me, then I was like: “Owh ya! He owed me RM50 during our last karaoke outing. I was happy that I actually have extra money to give pledge. But it is actually not something extra, if you do the aftermath. Like people owed you money and you get it back again, it’s not an extra earning anyhow. But still I am happy, at least I don’t have to berjimat that much as I thought! Haha!

This morning during Sunday service, I took out the envelope in front of me to fill in for pledging purpose, then I saw this word “TITHE” on the top of the list. Then Michelle’s words during our last dinner struck me. We met for dinner before one of the prayer meetings to have the partnership commitment form signed, as I was accepted as a partner of our church.

One of the commitments is to give tithe, 10% of our income. I knew about tithe before this, but never thought of giving it as it never cross my mind. I am still a student and my allowance is given by my mum, and 10% of it, hmmm, I can do quite lot of things with it, of course, my personal stuffs, SO I will just give my tithe after I start to work la, that was what I thought. Then Michelle shared her experience with me, telling me that as a student, we still can give tithe, and she did so too during her college day, it is just about how willing are we to do so, and it’s up to ourselves. Allowances are still incomes, and if I think that RM50 is a lot, then when I start to work, 10% of my salary will be more than hundred, that is MORE, provided that if I found a job with salary more than thousand ringgit la, and praise the Lord that I know that He will find me a suitable job for me, as for He always have our life planned for us!

So I decided to give my tithe at the moment. I filled up the column for tithe and put in the money for tithe and pledge! Then I started to plan my weekly expenses, cutting unnecessary expenses, blablabla, until Pastor Kenneth started to preach. After service ended, I suddenly thought of one of Jesus’ word: “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?” from Matthew 6:25. (Thanks to Catherine and Hannah in helping to find the exact location of this verse. =P) So I shook off the worries from my head.

Then there came my mum in her car to fetch me to Pyramid to pick up my charger from my friend. And we chit-chatted about my brother. As we chatted, she said she’s going to give me an extra RM50 for this week in case I ran out of money when I go out for meeting or what else. I was quite surprised, she is quite strict in my allowance, she gives the amount that we agreed on usually, and only extra when I need to buy necessary things which will cost a lot or I’m going on trip. This is the first time she actually offered to give me extra money for kinda no reason. I was thanking and praising the Lord in my heart.

And that is not the end of the story. After having lunch together and finishing off some of her things, she sent me back to hostel. And before I get off the car, she was talking on the phone, I thought she may be forgot to give me the extra RM50, so I wanted to go down without reminding her, because the money I still have is enough for me to survive for another week. When I was about to open the door, she stopped me while talking on phone, and actually handed over RM100 to me! I looked at her like I’m looking at an alien. She just nodded her head and hinted me to go down because she has to leave.

Praise the Lord for knowing our needs and providing us always! Amen!

And as I’m going to end this entry, I just realise that I haven’t told her that I love her. I’m not a person good in speaking, so I chose to let words to take over the role of tongue. So I will message her later. Haha!

Happy Mother’s day to every mum in the whole world! Sometimes us as kids may be hurting your hearts, but please forgive us for our ignorant as we are still learning the proper way to respect and honour you. We will never come to this beautiful world and be who we are now without you! May God bless every mother and mother-to-be! Amen.

自以为是

我们总是自以为是

以为自己看透了

在被迷惑后

才发现原来自己还是看不透这复杂的世界与它的居民

我们总是自以为是

以为自己绝对不会重蹈覆辙

在错了后

才知道自己原来根本没学乖

我们总是自以为是

以为自己总是对的

在错得无法补救时

才发现自己错得离谱

我们总是自以为是

以为自己能把问题处理得很好

在别人来替自己收拾烂摊子时

才惊觉自己原来那么不济

我们总是自以为是

以为自己放得下

在错过之后

才发现原来自己从来没有放下

我们总是自以为是

以为自己很坚强

在心伤痕累累了

才发现原来自己很脆弱

我只希望自己能少一些自以为是，多一些警觉性

❤

突然

选择扮演快乐的角色

是不想别人担心？

还是不想正视那点点的落寞？

有时觉得人生实在是太多无奈

随着年龄增长

在乎的人事物渐增

顾虑的东西也越来越多

大喇喇不计较的性格虽然容易被人占便宜

但谁敢说这样的人就活得不快乐呢？

世事除了可以说有许多无奈

也可以说无绝对

看事情不能只看表面

表面上和乐融融的一群人

也有可能在暗里各怀鬼胎

可悲

亦舒

尘螨爬上了床头的书格子

我想念享受读书的感觉

多久了？

我想念思想透过文字跃然纸上的感觉

又多久没真正好好斟酌文字，写篇文章？

中五那年尝试过写微型小说

稿投出去后

石沉大海

我不是吃这行饭的料

*窃笑*

眼珠子在书橱上徘徊了一阵子

《从前有一只粉蝶》

小心翼翼地读了几面

童年的感觉回来了

总觉得香港的言情小说较有内涵

小时候我沉迷于岑凯伦的小说

内容有创意

用词含蓄

但一针见血

其中最爱莫过于《婚礼》

封面插画仍残留在我脑海

可内容却很模糊

但那感觉我忘不了

内容架构紧密

表面上波澜不惊

可其实暗潮已汹涌

人物性格刻画分明

故事背景常设定于有很多被迫与无奈的时代

而结局

圆满却不完美

故事总结束得有点遗憾

犹如人生永远都无法完美

再来就是张小娴

她的故事都带有忧郁色彩

真实反映了人生很多的无可奈何

这些无奈被她的文字美化了

让我有时候只能微笑着摇头叹气

亦舒

我决定将我的空闲时间拨给你的《粉蝶》

哈哈

:P

头痛

有时候

真不知道该不该佩服自己

是潇洒？

麻木了？

心肠硬了？

还是真的不在乎了？

人总是要长大的不是吗？

:)

小丑

觉得自己像个小丑陪客

陪了那么久

最后什么都不是

很可笑

成于他，败亦于他

这人生真是败透了

人家说女生太强不好

我说有些女生啊

生来就该强一些些

才不会被伤得太重

找不到疼惜你的人

就该自己疼自己多一些些

别让自己太委屈了

只是再强的女生

也希望有个肩膀可以靠

告诉自己：

挥别过去吧

未来的路长得很哪！

不让我的眼泪陪我过夜

不让我的眼泪陪我过夜

不让你的吻留着余味

忘了曾经爱过谁

慢慢习惯了寂寞相随

不让我的眼泪陪我过夜

不让你的脸梦里相对

爱的潮水已经退

我的真情不再随便给

快乐

看见自己的朋友幸福快乐

嘴角会忍不住形成一个微上扬的弧度

♥ 

才华

衷心欣赏会唱歌跳舞的男生

特别是嗓声不错的男生

真的很罕见

所以

物以稀为贵

XD

p/s: 是真的有本事的才欣赏

人生无常

今天传来噩耗

学姐的母亲逝世了

幸好她来得及赶回来

否则就是终身抱憾了

昨晚至今日忐忑了那么久

只为身上那一颗形似青春痘的东西

它生错地方

累得妈妈也不得安睡一晚

向主祈祷了一晚

也不断问自己要是真的有啥不测的

该怎么办

一夜间

我好像想通了很多

知道是时候要学习长大的样子了

毕竟是20了

二十芳龄

在古装后宫小说里

女主角都不知道经历几次生死了

我还在优哉游哉的

现代小孩到底还是幸福的

我只需忧读书忧没得玩

不管小说中、史书中女人间勾心斗角的狠辣与现实是否真的存在过

纵观全球

我真的是非常幸福的

如果医生告诉我

我的生命就只剩那有限的几个月

我想我会不医了吧？

就用有限的时间去做想做的事

旅行

是任性了点呵？

小说读得多了

人也变得愁绪了

小说果然不是啥好东西

变化

短短一个周末

心境变化竟可以如此大

信祂

让我感觉有张隐形的保护网罩着我

即使失去

也不再害怕

心灵有了更可靠的依靠

在人生路上

仿佛有个指引、有把声音

告诉我

失去未必是件坏事

有时

要得到就必须失去

 God has a better plan for you

这是我常听见的话

不去强求

不去勉强

是你的就是你的

不是你的，强求也无济于事

强拗的瓜儿不甜

相信祂已经为你编排好人生路

你只须做好自己的本分

为好事的发生感恩

把坏事看作契机

肩膀

夜阑人静时刻

令人特别容易多想

有时候

累了

有个肩膀依靠

有个依靠的对象

应该不错吧？

我已经忘了依靠人的感觉是怎样的

是忘了呢？

还是根本没有敞开心怀

真正依赖过人

太过坚强

也是累的

尝试过漠视

也尝试过安慰

它却在一定时刻

总会静悄悄来袭

不经意地

轻轻地

搔得你痒痒的

却也让你无从纾解

情人节

有了太多幻想、等待

就会少了期待

今年还是一个人孤零零地过

唯有书本伴随

没法子

谁让预考快杀到来了呢？

今晚喝了一大杯的摩卡

看来今夜没3、4点

是睡不下了

现在才发现

在特定时候

我也可以是个工作狂

振作

假期结束了

悠闲日子正式划上句点

挑战迎面而来

要克服的

其实是我自己

我能做到吗？

faith

having faith is important

holding on faith is much more than that

for free thinkers

God's words may just be meaningful quotes like others

but for His believers and followers

God's words are words that bring miracles

and soothes souls

for me

they calms me down

and taught me to be faithful and grateful in life

I don't know my position right now

but I would like to follow what my instinct tells me

we could be lost in life

junctions and intersections in life

choices we have to make

may lead to different endings

but as long as I know that

that's what I want

I will never regret

迟疑

总是害怕自己会见异思迁

总是觉得自己在开始后

会发现更好的而后悔不已

最终

我会因为这份不定性

而错过了最好的吧？

我累了

致某个我很在乎的朋友

致某个我很在乎的朋友
从来不知道我那么在乎你
听见你的事情时
我忍不住在电话筒的另一端
安静地啜泣
不愿让人知道
你的事情
让我心底最深处沉寂已久的断弦
再次被拨动
啜泣，
不止为你
也为我自己
上天是不会公平的
少担忧
是唯一让我们过得好些的方式
看见你这样
我很心疼
其他人也一样心疼
原来是我忽略了你也需要关心

happy birthday and happy new year

it's a new year ahead

 I had a very unforgettable birthday this year

1st time ever I had 2 cakes

and a real surprise

I was truly surprised 

and I'm not going to forget it

it really touched me

to everyone who wished me

I wish the best for you too

will always keep you in my prayers

I have nothing to pay back

but only my sincerity

I may not be expressing it through words

but I'll cherish all of you in my heart

it was a special birthday this year

❤

今年是个很特别的年份

2012

我拥有了至今最开心的一次生日

谢谢你们！

爱你们的话

我说不出口

但你们的好

我全收在心底

:)

今年

会是很忙碌的一年

日历上的格子渐渐被填满

两个非常重要的考试都落在今年

不卯足全劲

如何能胜任？

除了考试

就是营和旅行

要完美地兼顾所有

就要有平时我不会有的毅力和坚持

去年AS German的成绩出炉了

去年稀里糊涂的忙了很久

考试一结束

就把所有忘得一干二净

考试成绩我不是很在乎

纯粹只因觉得考过就算了

在临新年时

心里才稍觉忐忑

对自己要求太高

有时不是件好事

新的一年正式开始啦！

发啦！！！

;-)

yuuuuu

今天在交换领礼物之后才发现

原来

礼物要30块以上

哇哈哈哈哈·

真是委屈了拿我礼物的人啦

哇哈哈哈哈

2012

finally it's here

I felt weird to be in 2012

LOL

近几年

电影圈总离不开末日题材

末日issue被炒得沸沸扬扬的

搞得大家都相信到十足十

我倒是半信半疑的

当年我还小的时候

也不是有什么千禧年末日的新闻之类的

详细情形我已记不起

但是却真的有那么一回事

当时的种种猜测和现在的2012末日论有诸多相似的地方

但是这一次

却有玛雅历法

玛雅历法的准确性

使得这个预言可信度增加

因为玛雅历法在2012年12月21日

就没了下文

单是看这组日期组合

就觉得这组号码不平凡

哈哈！

电影看多了

耳濡目染

自然会相信

我还有好多好多的事没做

我不想那么快死

所以又下意识地不想相信

就成了现在的心态

半信半疑啦！

XD

2012年里

想做的事

我都已经想好了

你呢？

不管是不是末日

它都将会是我很难忘的一年

因为我决定让它不平凡

就从我迎来的2012第一道曙光开始

~I promised myself to be a better person, for whoever that loves me,

HINT: I love myself too! :D~